Monday, June 16, 2014

In Appreciation Of Fathers

1. [Me, at age 7]: "Dad... other kids in school talk about getting an allowance. What's an allowance?"

[Pops] "An allowance is something parents give their kids to teach them that the world owes them something. You'll never get an allowance from me. Instead, I'm gonna give you something better.... I'm gonna teach you how to earn a wage."

2. [As I was washing the car in the driveway, age 13]: "Don't miss a spot, boy. If you only clean the top, Your Bottom is still dirty."

3. [After inspecting the car, and before paying me]: "Yeah.... nice. This ride is as clean as the Board Of Health."

4. "If you want to save time and effort, do it right the first time. Thinking saves a whole lot of doing. Take it apart, and start all over again. You'll learn- "

5. "Folks will forget what you say in a day. They'll remember what you do forever."

6. Age 14. On my way to Indiana University for their Summer Music Clinics. I was free-associating (out loud) about how I'd shock the IU world with my mad-ass cello-workin' skills... and get a private session with Janos Starker (Google him for background)

[Pops]: "Do you believe that you're the best cello player of your age that you've ever met?"
[Me] "Well... yeah- I guess I do."
[Pops] "That's because you ain't met nobody yet. It's one thing to be the biggest fish in the pond. It's whole new game when you swim with the sharks. This summer will show you if you're ready..." (Pops didn't know a lick of music that My Momz didn't teach him... but he knew how The World worked-).

7. "People look at a great piece of art hanging on a wall and ask themselves: 'Who did that?' They'll also look at a half-assed piece of crap sitting in someone's front yard.... and ask the same damn question."

8. "When folks praise you, first ask yourself: 'why?' If your answer is all about you, you haven't figured out what they want from you yet."

9. "That (person) is so dumb, he couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the sole...."

10. "If you always settle for 'good enough,' you'll die wondering if you were 'good enough.' "

11. [After I personally, TRULY 'fucked up'- Big Time]: "This is a simple equation, son. The world needs Good People to move on. Either you get yourself right... or you'll just get left."

12. "The smartest man in the room is often the one with the fewest college degrees."

13. "Any job worth doing is worth doing to the best of your ability."

14. "Marry a girl who can cook and talk and think. You'll need all that good food just to keep up with her- and you'll never be bored."

15. I was 17. Pops & me were stopped at a red light. A young, 20-something slow-walked past the car at the crosswalk. Body be slammin,' yo. Hips swaying hypnotically, she was the essence of raw animal sensuality. She looked over her right shoulder and smiled at us as she cleared the lane. Those hips disappeared when we both saw the gaps in her smile.

[Pops]: "Damn. That was fun- for a minute."

16. "Take care of your tools. Everything you buy will eventually break. When they do, you'll need your tools and your brain to save money- and learn something new. Newer isn't always better."


17. I was 8 years old. My first 'paying gig.' (Remember- Pops didn't do "allowance"...) Pops and Uncle Babe (Oliver Wendell Freeman) had a 'sideline money-maker'... they hauled pianos and organs for a local music store. Dave & Mary Porter would sell the inventory, "3 Aces Moving" would deliver the treasures to all those happy suburbanites who'd bought into the 60's mantra: "A parlor isn't complete without an upright piano."

[Pops]: You have three jobs: help us cover the pianos with these packing blankets, fold the blankets after we deliver the pianos, and memorize the lines on this piece of paper.... you'll need them when you ring doorbells."

There was just something about an 8-year-old Af/Am kid dressed in 'work clothes' with impeccable manners (representing the store which sold you your new piano), that made well-to-do suburban wives 'open up their pocketbooks' to 3 generations of sweaty Black Americans hauling her newest acquisition into her parlor. Tips be flowin' free, yo.

18. I was 13 years old. After seeing My Father march through our town in support of African Americans to enjoy the same rights of citizenship as other Americans, on a Monday, I saw him come home from a day of incarcerating some of the very same people who walked hand-in-hand with him on that previous Saturday. When I questioned him about the apparent dichotomy, he said this: "Saturday was about all of us. Today was only about some of us."

Pops knew People.

_________________

These are just a few 'pearls' that I heard while growing up. RLC One was the kind of person who made a room extend its walls to accommodate him when he entered. He carried a charisma, natural ease and sense of true gravitas everywhere he walked. He was a man of true substance. The kind of man you'd want in your life, in any measure. 35 years after his death, RLC Two is still scrambling like a madman to catch up.

________________


It's been 35 years since I've had a conversation with My Dad.

I have deeply missed those conversations.

If there existed some 'cosmic cheat/hack' that would allow me to converse with My Dad today, I'm certain that 90% of what he'd have to tell me would fall on the same deaf ears he talked to when we shared Time and Space together. After all, it took 30+ years for some of his wisdom to actually make sense to me now.

Still... I'd be grateful for the time... and the 10% I'd actually be able to use today. I'd live my life striving to glean meaning from the other 90%.

I miss My Dad on Father's Day.
I miss My Dad Every Day.

___________________

If you miss Your Dad like I do, take a moment to remember him fondly.
If you still have Your Dad, it's not too late to tell him what he truly means to you.
If you are a Dad, please understand the responsibility you have to Our Collective Future.


Be one of The Good Guys.
Be a good son to Your Fathers.
Be an example to The Young Ones who need your guidance.

This is how you keep Dads alive... long after they have left us.

Celebrating Father's Day as an orphan,
peace/out,


'Zilla.





1 comment:

  1. Ah, the wisdom of fathers...got many myself. But more importantly, good to see your writing!

    ReplyDelete